Asia: Does an Adult Child Have a Legal Obligation to Parents?

I read an interesting article about filial piety throughout Asia explaining that although this respect for elders is an integral part of the culture of many Asian countries, financial realities are causing major changes.

For example, as young people from China's interior move to coastal areas for jobs, the elderly are being abandoned. And, because China has had a one-child rule since 1979, an adult child has to care for both parents alone.

China now has laws delineating the actions adult children should take. Chinese companies are supposed to provide vacation time so employees can visit their parents. These laws, however, do not provide punishment for failure to obey, unlike Indian law, which provides for the imprisonment of children who fail to care for their parents.

Singapore law has provided parents with legal recourse to sue their children for money and caregiving since 1999.

This thought provoking article, When Filial Piety is a Legal Obligation, was written by Winnie Chwang, a Senior Research Analyst with Matthews Asia, an investment company, for the week of August 16, 2013. The full article can be seen here:

http://us.matthewsasia.com/perspectives-on-asia/asia-weekly/article-648/default.fs

TOO OLD OR TOO ILL TO DRIVE?

I felt it was time for my dad to give up driving. He was in his late 80's but not senile. His eyesight was good but he was becoming quite deaf even with a hearing aid. I wasn't concerned about his ability to operate the car but rather how he could cope with traffic and with the crazy drivers that are sometimes out there.

It also happened to be the time for him to renew his license. I took him to the facility to take the road test.

The examiner rode with Dad and then came back to me and said hesitantly, "I don't feel comfortable passing him." 

"Then don't!" I replied.

He looked relieved. I was relieved. 

The first thing Dad had done in the test was to try to start the car -- even though the engine was already running. He couldn't hear it.

Dad was okay with not being able to drive anymore; at least he acted as if he were okay about it.

The Alzheimer's Association has resources to assist caregivers in initiating a conversation about giving up driving. http://www.alz.org/care/alzheimers-dementia-and-driving.asp

A postscript to Dad's story:

A few months after giving up driving, Dad and I went to a nearby strip mall. When we came out of the store, I found that someone had parked illegally and had our car boxed in. I tried to maneuver the car out of the space but I wasn't getting anywhere.

Dad suggested we trade places. He got behind the wheel and quickly and deftly pulled the car out of the space. Then we traded back…and I humbly drove home. 

HOT COCOA FOR A BETTER MEMORY?

A study of 60 seniors showed a relationship between drinking hot cocoa and improved memory.

Those participants whose memories improved had low blood flow prior to the study. Drinking two cups of cocoa per day improved blood flow and memory.

Scientists are not recommending anyone drink cocoa, however. Only 18 of those studied had low blood flow and those participants who had normal blood flow did not improve. Scientists worry about the side effects of drinking cocoa, which has fat and sugar.

See the article here: http://bit.ly/1fzyFKm

Leeza Gibbons and Caregivers Part II

Now, as promised, I'm continuing with Leeza Gibbons' commandments for caregivers-- in my last post I explained her first commandment was "Take Your Oxygen First":

Commandment 2:  "NEVER ASSUME" -- anything about a loved one without having all the necessary information.  Making assumptions about each other can lead to anger and resentment.

Commandment 3:  "HAVE ONGOING FAMILY CONFERENCES" --  about the roles and responsibilities of everyone involved.

Commandment 4:  "DO NOT ISOLATE" – yourself if you are a caregiver.  A caregiver support group can help you to cope with the stresses.

Commandment 5: "DO NOT TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY" – because it isn't about you.

Commandment 6: "PLAN AHEAD/HAVE CONTINGENCY PLANS" – in my book I call this a willingness to be creative and flexible!

Commandment 7: "DO NOT FALL PREY TO SHAME & STIGMA" – if you are a caregiver and are becoming depressed, or have other issues, don't let shame or stigma keep you from getting the help you need.

Commandment 8:  "USE COMMUNITY RESOURCES" – available  in your area and online.  Both the caregiver and the loved one can benefit from the many programs offered.

Commandment 9:  "HONOR SACRED MEMORIES" – the whole family should be involved in preserving family stories.

Commandment 10:  "FIND HUMOR IN MANY PLACES" – sometimes you have to laugh so you don't cry, but any laughter is good for caregivers -- and their loved ones.

for more information visit http://www.leezascareconnection.org/

Leeza Gibbons and Caregivers

American talk show host Leeza Gibbons has a personal interest in Alzheimer's disease and caregiving.   Her mother was diagnosed with the disease – and Ms. Gibbons  promised her that she would "tell her story and make it count."

To make good on that promise she established the Leeza Gibbons Memory Foundation in 2002.  The main program of the foundation is Leeza's Place (http://www.leezascareconnection.org or check it out on Facebook) which has facilities across the country.  

The mission of the organization is to support caregivers so they may have positive experiences with their caregiving.  To that end, Leeza's Place offers the Ten Commandments for Caregivers.

The first commandment is "Take Your Oxygen First."  We are all told on airplanes that we must secure our own oxygen masks before helping our children.  If we don't help ourselves first, we won't be able to help them.   Caregiving  can be enormously demanding and a caregiver who experiences burnout can't assist anyone else.  Caregivers (I wish I had a synonym for this term) must learn to care for themselves – body, mind, and soul.  I have to admit I didn’t follow this rule when being the caregiver for my parents, and I regret that.

It's such an important concept that, Ms. Gibbons uses this first commandment as the title for her book about caregiving.  Co-written with a psychologist/social worker and a physician,  Take Your Oxygen First: Protecting Your Health and Happiness While Caring for a Loved One with Memory Loss, was published last year. 

More on the Ten Commandments for Caregivers next time.