The first
time I acted as a caregiver was when my parents celebrated their wedding
anniversary with a party at our house.
One of the
guests was "Aunt Fanny." Fanny had had a mild stroke sometime
previously but was functioning pretty well.
However, when she went to our bathroom, she had a problem, so some of
her urine wound up on the bathroom floor.
Mom asked
me to clean up the bathroom. I did, but
it wasn't easy and by the time I finished I was disheveled and sweaty. I can still remember the sweet sick smell of
her urine – I later learned she had diabetes.
I wasn't happy to do the chore, but it had to be done. When I rejoined the party, Aunt Fanny loudly
observed to me, "You look like hell!"
Well, yes,
I suppose I did because it was a hot, dirty job cleaning up after her. That was my introduction to the world of
caregiving. I was seven years old.
When I graduated
from law school, it was clear Mom needed help. I cared for her while job
hunting. It soon became apparent that I
could not have a career and take care of Mom. Why did I choose to be a
caregiver? I don't think I ever
consciously did. Being a caregiver is
often not a role you choose -- more likely it is something that happens to you;
you are usually drafted and didn't enlist.
Instead, I faced a long series of decisions and I
"inadvertently" became a caregiver because of those choices.
Maybe it was learned
behavior. As a child I was almost a
daily visitor to the house where my mother grew up. Two of my aunts who never married shared this
home with their mother, my grandmother, caring for her until the end.
Maybe it's just
what family does.
When Your Parent Becomes Your Child: Advice
for Caregivers is a cautionary tale.
I tried, as I do with all my writing, to talk to each of you so that you
can learn from my mistakes and be encouraged by our successes.
I hope my blog
and my books will help you, whether you are a full-time caregiver or someone
who occasionally interacts with an elderly loved one.
